... not by sight.

Some of you know that I've kind of been freaking out about going to Africa. All these "what ifs" kept popping into my head and I couldn't shake them. What if I don't measure up to my teammates? What if something happens to me and I leave my family behind? What if? Everyone on my team keeps reminding each other, "11 more days!!" "10 more days!!!!" Everyone was so excited, and I said I was too. In actuality, it freaked me the heck out. How could I be leaving in less than two weeks? It was so easy to think about it months ago because it wasn't as real. Now, it's 9 days until I leave and it's more real now than ever. I think I had kind of forgotten why I'm going to Africa. My mind was too overpowered by all these negative thoughts. I think God's given me angels as friends... they've been so encouraging and their prayers have been felt SO much, especially in the past day or two. I feel like God is giving me reminders in why I'm going. I found a quote on some guy's profile that I've never met... insomnia leads to stalking! Don't judge me for being a creeper. The quotes goes like this: "as long as we are seeking God there will be challenges before us. Whether we accept or deny them, determines whether we are in fact still seeking." When I read that 2 days ago, it just hit me: I'm going to Africa to seek God. No matter what challenges I face, I'm going to continue to seek Him. He's called me to Africa to live for 2 months... and though that may be scary and present challenges, I'm going because I'm seeking Him. How could I have forgotten something as basic as that? I don't know, but God's brought that truth back into my heart via a stranger's Facebook profile.
Also, I think a lot of my fears have to do with the unknown. I know God's going to push me out of my comfort zone, but I have no idea what that entails. I know I'm going to be pushed physically, spiritually, and mentally, but I still have no idea what that entails. I know I'm going to a country full of diseases, but I don't know what that entails. But isn't that where faith comes in? God kind of reminded me of the name of my blog. Walk by Faith... not by sight. I may not know what's going to happen in Africa, but I know it's where I'm supposed to go... so I have faith that it will be good. One of my favorite quotes is by MLK Jr., and he said, "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." In the past, I've taken this first step even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. Recently, I took this step, knowing it was what God was calling me to do. I was scared to death, yet I trusted and had faith. I haven't seen the full frution of this, but I've already seen so many blessings from it already. So, what makes going to Africa any different? It may make me a little nervous, but God's got my back. God is going to take care of me, and has my best interests at heart. Jeremiah 29:11 says "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Such a basic verse that I've heard so many times, but it packs such amazing truth. God has my life planned out. I know this is exactly where I'm supposed to be right now, and that should be good enough for me.